God's Lost

I am feeling a bit lost. My father has had a stroke. Not a mini-stroke like he's been having for the past twelve years but a stroke in the cerebrum. He is now using a walker and when I talk to him on the phone he sounds like an old man. Not good. Scary. Not something I really want to face. I spoke to a friend who's mother isn't doing so well either. We are in very different places. This friend is ready to fight. I admire her spirit. I am coping by crying or sleeping. Shock is another word I'd use. Chocolate yet another favorite. Notice praying isn't making the cut.
I wouldn't say my father and I are particularly close. Yet, there were times if he hadn't been there for me, no one would have been. And he gave me strength when I needed it most. We are a lot a like with the same sarcastic humor. He hides his sensitivity and I wear mine like a badge of honor. His criticisms have given me the courage to fight injustice to children-my own, my friends and sometimes strangers. He has empowered me to tell it like it is.
I forget from time to time how deeply religious he is. He doesn't talk about it often. His God is personal and private to him. When he does talk about his faith, everyone sits up and listens. It is incredibly moving.
I'm trying to make my way back to that moving place. Get past the upset and find that place of prayer and faith. Feeling lost isn't where my Heavenly or earthly father wants me to be.